Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gravity, Bizarre story, Raider Land, Gasoline prices, Movie reviews

It has been a while since I made a post on fasttwitchmind and for good reason. After the last post I was on a 40 mile bicycle ride and a revelation came bursting through my bones, muscles, blood vessels, and finally the brain cells. It hit me that I wanted to make my next post based on one word. So, I decided that whatever word stood out in my head within the next hour of that original thought, I would just write that word down and then start writing something to see if I could make any sense of it. Well the word that kept coming to mind was, “gravity.” The concept of gravity is a very interesting discovery of science and Isaac Newton was the guy who comes to mind when this word comes up. Basically gravity just means that when an object, of any kind, is dropped or falls off of something it falls down or let’s say it goes south. Things never fall up or north, they always fall down, or south. There is a slight exception to this and that would be if you are in space and or you are lighter than space then you will just sort of float and you will not go south, you go sort of north if you go anywhere. So, since most of the population is not in a space environment we are affected by gravity in a going southward motion. In other words if I am on top of my house fixing the roof and I fall off I will not fall up or north, I will fall down, or south. Now that we have the concept down let’s play some what ifs or what does happen in this gravity controlled world we live in. I venture to say that gravity has been the greatest influence on plastic surgeons making a ton of money doing their thing, i.e. when gravity takes over the women’s breasts then they tend to go south and the only way for them to stay straight is to have a plastic surgeon do his magic and defy gravity. Then the bonus comes in when these dudes are restored to their normal pointed out front self the surgeon can also enlarge them while he is in there. Then you have the same thing with other parts of the body, how about sagging buttocks? They can also be moved from a southward motion to a more northern or normal position. Then you have the proverbial male “beer” gut that definitely goes in a southern direction when it grows to a point that the muscles and skin can no longer hold it upright in the normal position. While some kind of surgery is available for this it has been said that if you keep your colon empty then you will reduce your chance for a “beer” gut. The question comes up; do I still get to drink beer while I am emptying my colon? My uneducated guess would be that, yes you do since you need the nutrients that only beer can give you and only the Lord knows what that is. Since I am going to stick to the human body and its way of illustrating gravity activity in our lives I must mention the potential of the penis to go south, usually when you don’t want it to. The learned medical people of our time have labeled this “erectile dysfunction” while some of my slang brothers call it, “not being able to get it up,” but regardless of what it is called it still proves that gravity is in command at all times in our lives. The other good news is that we can defy gravity in the penis area by simply taking the little “blue” pill that some brilliant medical guy invented. We are told that within a few minutes we can experience a northern movement of the penis that arranges it in such a position that it will be most useful in case the act of sexual intercourse presents itself to two consenting adults. Some of the other areas of the human body that gravity affects s would be in the facial area. I have noticed in approaching my 70th year on God’s green earth that some of my facial areas have gone south. Under my chin the skin has dropped a little, my nose has dropped a little since it has continued to grow (they say when you get older your nose continues to grow while your penis shrinks a little, seems unfair to me but I don’t think this has happened in my case, yea and I have some ocean front property in Arizona for a $1.00 an acre). But the surgeons can also fix all of that if you have the money. Last but not least in this brilliant elaboration of the concept of gravity I have noticed that when I dive off of a diving board I go straight down or south into the pool or lake, I never go up or north. When I am going along on my bicycle and I lose my balance I always do down or south, not up or north. When I act like the smart alec that I am or can be at times on my motorcycle it goes down or south, not up or north. Well in conclusion I think you get my point about gravity. It is a tremendous force that you cannot screw with, treat it nice and it will treat you nice. Treat it bad and you will splatter your butt from here to next Sunday without batting an eye lash. Can’t wait for that next word to pop into my little beady brain, that I am sure has gone south at some point.
Someone told me that the newspapers write to a seventh grade level, surprised the hell out of me since I thought it was around a fourth grade mentality. That is why the W man never reads a newspaper; they are way above his head. But, I did see some interesting stuff the other day under the “bizarre” category. It was a true story of a woman who sat on her boyfriend’s toilet seat for two years and finally her skin grew to the seat. The seat was actually pried with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital. The hospital actually removed the seat from her skin. Now get this, her boyfriend brought her food and drink for two years while she was growing to the seat. The other bizarre tale here is that the authorities are considering pressing charges against the boyfriend. But, the other side of the story is that the boyfriend could actually press charges since he had no where to go to the bathroom for two years. I can’t wait to see the follow up story on this one.

Another bizarre story pertains to our university of higher learning, Texas Tech University. Seems as though the communications department at Raider land, is just not functioning very well. So, they got rid of the old director and hired a new one at $150,000.00 per year. Of course the current staff members are concerned that they will lose their jobs when the new director comes in. The only thing that the Chancellor said of this new hiring is that the university needs to get “the word out.” Wonder exactly what that means, get what word out? But rest assured that this will happen since the new director comes from a previous job as the marketing director for Petro Stopping Centers, a chain of truck stops. Of course before going there he was with big oil, ExxonMobil, so again big oil and money speaks. Guess there is a lot in common with Texas Tech and Petro Truck stops. Go figure!

In the latter 70’s to early 80’s a group of my business friends and I started an oil exploration business. We ended up drilling some successful wells and sold our oil for $42.00 per barrel. The word throughout the nation by the most learned economists of our time was simply this, “if oil prices EVER go above $50.00 per barrel the United States economy will collapse. This week sweet crude is $105.00 per barrel and futures are showing $110.91 per barrel. With at the pump gasoline approaching $4.00 and diesel .30 per gallon higher, what is the plan Mr. Bushman! Of course since he doesn’t read the newspapers and didn’t know gasoline has approached $3.30 per gallon, how would he possibly know what to do? Go figure on this one while you’re meditating.

Movie Reviews: “Penelope”, ***, definitely a girlie movie but a very well presented movie. Penelope is played by Christina Ricci, and she has been afflicted by a secret family curse (a pig’s nose) that can only be broken when she is loved by one of her own kind. The movie presents her despair and then her happiness, so you could say she and they live happily ever after. Reese Witherspoon does a great job in being the only friend Penelope has. Rated PG: for thematic elements, some innuendo and language.

“Definitely, Maybe”, ***, another girlie movie staring Ryan Reynolds who is in the midst of a divorce. His daughter, played by Abigail Breslin, decides she wants to know everything about his life and how he met her mother. It is well done and the acting is very good. It makes you wonder how such a great looking; boyishly handsome guy has all the troubles with women. I noticed that I was the only male in the movie house, so be prepared for a true girlie movie. No Rambo stuff here. Rated PG-13 for sexual content, including some frank dialogue, language and smoking.



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