Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Let the finger do the talking(prostate exam time)

Why do doctors offices require you to have an appointment when everyone knows you will never get in at the time they set. This morning I was to have my annual prostate exam, but now I realize it can't be annual since I had my last one 5 years ago, at 10:00 a.m. I arrived a few minutes before, did the usual sign in, took the old stale 2 year old magazine out and enjoyed the wait. Since I didn't know anyone in the waiting room I didn't have anyone to ramble with while I waited. After about an hour I did see someone walk in that I knew, so I tackled his ankles and started a meaningless conversation just to pass the time. You know the one, oh how are you(not really meaning it or even caring). Well I am not just fine, I am great(even though I am waiting for the doctor to stick his 12" long, 5" diameter finger up my butt to see if that little walnut is still fine and healthy). While I probably stretched the size of his index finger a shade I am just relating as to how it feels when the exam is going on. So, the meaningless conversation ends with, good to see you, see you soon. I also know that is bull since I haven't seen this person in over 5 years and we haven't missed each other at all. Then after waiting for nearly an hour in the waiting room I then advanced to the exam room, that is after taking my temperature(I guess it was normal since she said nothing other than, "follow me." Now into the exam room sitting on the little table with a white paper sheet. This wait was the hardest since there is no way to pass the time except to stare into the white walls and look at the pharmaceutical ads. One caught my attention for "vaginal lubrication," can't remember the brand, but it really doesn't matter. I saw nothing for butt lubrication, or even for that wonderful drug that goes hand in hand with the lubrication thing, i.e. Viagra. Now anyone can see that I am real bored with this scene and need to get some resolution. Is my damn walnut good or bad? Then I am saved by the bell, while looking over at the table I see a catalog for Cabella's. Now that is a must for all exam rooms, yea while I am waiting to have the walnut punctured, pushed, prodded, squeezed, fondled, etc., I can read my Cabella catalog and order some camouflage hunting gear(I don't hunt really) and then no one can see me go squinched butted out of the exam room. Time does pass and the doctor finally enters the room. I knew I was in for a good one since the first thing he did was grab the rubber gloves, then tells me to drop my pants, and prepare for rear entry(what a graphic guy). After what seemed like hours it was done, woweeee!! The doc gave me a clean bill of health and we will have to wait for the PSA reading, since that required some of my blood and two days to get the results. It was over and I was able to walk straight out of the office. Can't wait till next year.



Post a Comment

<< Home