Sniffles

Yesterday was a grocery shopping day and I was limited on time, so I had to make this shopping as efficient as possible. On the way in a young bag handler was taking a basket in so I jerked it out of her hands so I wouldn’t have to go any further to get a basket. Oh!! my plan of efficiency was already working as I headed to the first area to fill my basket, the fruits and vegetables. What I hadn’t thought about is that on Texas Tech game day everyone goes to the grocery store kind of like a natural disaster type thing. So, I had to weave in and out of other baskets to get to my potato bends and my beloved radishes. This took some driving skill and coordination since these people were really taking their time. After I got deep into the vegetable section I noticed this older man(probably my age but looked at least 102) and he seemed threatened by my aggressive attitude and wanted no part of me. This was good to go for me since I wasn’t looking for new friendships, old friendships or idle chatter, I was on a mission to get in and get out with my groceries.

Many times I see my ex-wife at this store shopping and there is some idle talk but mostly I run into her basket with great speed in hopes of knocking some of the money she got from me after the big D. This never happens but is a fantasy of mine. Now to the other part of the store to get the dog cookies, salsa, eggs, paper clips, oreos, bacon, white bread and other healthy food stuff that all households have. After filling the basket now look for a check out register that is not full or with someone with enough food to last through the next century. So, my luck was running good and I found a register that was going to be clear within a few minutes. This check out girl was so efficient and fast she didn’t even ask me if I had found everything I was looking for. This is kind of a standard thing with these checkers, but I responded quickly that I found everything, swiped my card, signed it, when ask if I wanted paper or plastic I promptly advised them plastic.

Now the real cruncher, as my bag handler was walking behind me with my quickly purchased food stuffs for the next week, she ask the all important question, “how are your allergies today?” Well I did a double take on that since what they have been highly trained to ask is, “how has your day gone so far?” I answered simply, no problems I have no allergies. Oh what a lucky thing you are, she says. Then I got the full allergy report from her, and after taking a look at her I noticed a swollen, red nose and red watery eyes. So, she wasn’t faking but I did wonder why she was telling me this. My last reply to her on the subject was that maybe she was allergic to grocery stores.

Yea I know that wasn’t too sympathetic but what the hell, I was there to buy groceries and make room for someone else to do the same, not to adopt some runny nose teenager! So, just get the stuff loaded in the back and I am out of there. As I parted ways with my red nose reindeer I wished her luck with her allergy medicines and thanked her for not passing out while she delivered and unloaded my groceries. My mission was accomplished in 17 minutes. Possibly a new world record and I was a happy man!

EA, SH......:),

greerman