Monday, March 05, 2012

The Conductor, Movie Reviews

How can something the size of a walnut have so much power over a healthy life style and have the gall to interfere with a good nights sleep or an active sex life. Well let me tell you folks out there that little dude has received a special name and designation from me and I am proud to share it. The prostate gland sits in such a cozy little place in the human body that it has tremendous influence on what goes on around the sexual activity and passing of the urine that I have re-named it “The Conductor.” The conductor on the passenger trains used to be the person who made everything happen for its’ passengers and even gave the green light for the train to start moving. He was always a “he”, but had on those snappy little black suits, white shirt and a black bow tie. Now I am not proposing that the little walnut that sits down there all decked out in black, but you know it wouldn’t surprise me if it is.
The conductor of the male body sits at such a strategic point that it has a strangle hold on the uretha and can affect the bladder in very negative ways. Since the uretha itself has some fairly large duties and prides itself in being able to pass semen and urine to the respective outlets it becomes very irritated when ole bully walnut squeezes it off and won’t let it function properly. It has been nick named the “Double Teamer,” by those in the know. So, then the captain of the ship(human male body person) gets really irritated when the sex life and passing of urine does not happen as it should. Also, not to mention having to pass urine in the worst possible time or the opposite of not being able to pass urine at the most opportune time.
Since all males over the age of about 60(give or take a few years per individual) start to experience the possible difficulties of the conductor, my purpose here is to shout out and let you know that this is all very normal. The walnut gland is the only gland that continues to grow in the body, so the longer we live the larger it gets. Now to take control of the Mr. Fatty conductor there are options starting with drugs that shrink it(with side affects most of us do not want, i.e. it affects our sex life, so then we have to take other drugs to offset that) or the ole roto rooter method of shaving the excess fat off with a metal shaving device, which causes some side affects, long recovery, and lots of bleeding. Now comes along the modern day treatment of reducing the walnut with a laser treatment that is a one hour procedure, recovery is much quicker, blood loss much less, and should be good for 7 years. With acronym names such as, TURP, Green Light, and HoLap, sounds like fun to me!
Now as the “Conductor” says, “all aboard Mr. Laserman, take charge and go after that dude that has gone from walnut size to small apple size!” Note: Is that where the term, “not comparing apples to apples came from?”
Movie Reviews:
“Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”, **, While I like Nicolas Cage this part and this character is just so stupid. He has sold his soul to the devil(kind of like our politicians) so every time he wants to fight evil he turns into burning fire while riding his motorcycle. So, he rides around getting the bad guys while blowing out fire from his mouth. At the end of the day he is tired of this mission in life and wants out of the deal. You must go see it to find out if he does, either way there will be a sequel. Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, some disturbing images, and language.
“My Week With Marilyn”, ****, An excellent movie about Marilyn Monroe and the week that Colin Clark entered into the film business, as a young 23 year old. This is based on a true story of the week that Clark spent with Marilyn after her husband Marvin Miller left for out of town business. He was her go to person for everything that made her life more complete in between movie scenes. After all she invented the word, “Diva!” Rated R for some language.
“This Means War”, ***, A clever movie but nothing more than three stars. Two CIA agents get put on leave because of their last disasterous assignment and in their boredom they just happen to go after the same good looking young blonde lady, played by Reese Witherspoon. They(Chris Pine, Tom Hardy) use all of their professional gimmicks to win over the girl. Go see to see who wins the contest! Rated PG-13 for sexual content including references, some violence and actions, and for language.
“Chronicle”, **, A low budget movie about mid-western youth who have super natural powers. Unknown actors and a weird movie. Not worth a premium ticket. I was there because it was the only movie starting at the time I arrived and I get senior rates. Rated PG-13 for intense action and violence, thematic material, some language, sexual content and teen drinking.
“The Vow”, ***, A good love story based on a married woman who loses all her memory after a terrible auto wreck. When she awakens she doesn’t remember being married or her husband. So, the film centers around him trying to revive her memory. Rachel McAdams plays the young wife and Channing Tatum plays her husband. If you like love stories with lots of drama this is a good one. Rated PG-13 for a car accident scene, sexual content, partial nudity and some language.
EA, SH.......:),


Post a Comment

<< Home