Sunday, January 24, 2010

Leecher, Butts & Guts II, Movie Reviews

Rumor has it that ex Texas Tech Red Raider football coach Mike Leach has changed the spelling of his last name to Leech. Well after looking up the definition of leech and finding that it is defined as a worm that feeds on blood; a parasite. I wonder how that computes with the definition of a pirate who robs and steals and happens to be idolized by Ex Coach Leech. Another rumor is that Coach Leech has moved to Key West, Florida the land of warm weather, lots of sun, a beautiful ocean and lots of real happy people (you know like fun loving, gay, happy, and stuff like that). We wish him well and regret the fact that he didn’t get to be in Lubbock during our last 40 mph dust storm, he deserved that. The courts also did not shine down on him this past week in that they denied his request to get preferential treatment to have his case moved to the head of the line. Seems as though he did stuff like that all the time in Lubbock whenever he approached a line he just told them to get the hell out of the way since he was the Head Football Coach at Texas Tech. Thank God the court system was not impressed with his former stature. Their claim is that by being tied up in court he is having trouble getting a job coaching football. Well Coach, sorry to hear about that since you had a very good job making $2.7 million per year until you exercised your practice of being insubordinate (this practice actually started in year one of your employment) to those people you were employed by and then you locked some poor entitled football player up in a carpeted, air conditioned shed on campus so he could recover from his apparent head concussion. Good luck in Southern Florida but you also missed the job opening at Southern Florida, who also dismissed their coach for choking and hitting one of his players. Now fans out there in college football land don’t think for a minute that this practice just started. The real facts are it is just now coming out of the closet; they were beating up on us in the 1950’s and ‘60’s. But rather than complain and go bawling to our parents we just played a little harder and took out our frustrations on the opposing team. Good luck leecher, you will probably need it.

As an epilogue to the Butts and Guts story I failed to mention that the positive functions of the butt and gut. Well the butt was really put there by the creator for a few reasons, with the most important purpose is to sit on it. The other thing is the butt is made to fill out jeans and other apparel. If you look good in this type of apparel then it is a blessing. If you don’t then good luck! On the other hand is the big gut really good for anything? Since what most people do that have them is not good for them anyway. Okay so you can kill a six pack of beer very quickly and have lots of room for it, is that really a good thing? I think not, but who am I to really know? The other thing the big gut is for is to eat more than your fellow man. But again, is this a good thing? No I really don’t think it is but again I am just writing not judging. I have a friend that has a real big beer gut and I noticed he rubs it all the time, especially when he starts talking about drinking some beer or eating some BBQ. So, I guess there is some soothing stuff that goes on by rubbing the gut and getting it ready for consumption. Sometimes I am tempted to reach over and start rubbing that big gut myself, but the temptation leaves very quickly when I wonder why I would even think that. Good luck to all of the population out there with big butts and big guts, God loves you!!

Movie Review: “Legion”, **, really a well done movie, but in the same breath really useless and you wonder why you spent good money to see it. When God loses faith in mankind, he sends a legion of angels to bring about the Apocalypse. Now the action begins and it is really just about a bunch of blood and guts and you forget who the good guy is and who the bad guy is. The way they slaughtered each other they forgot also. We even have a re-birth of the savior by an out in the sticks diner waitress. This movie is a weird one. So many unanswered questions for the movie goer, i.e. what happened to the rest of the world as this was going on? What was the purpose of the insect attack? Go at your own risk. Rated R for strong bloody violence, and language.

“The Book of Eli”, ***, this is a good movie worth seeing but did not earn a fourth star from me. Denzel Washington plays a roaming (prophet, evangelist, preacher) good/bad guy heading West to deliver “The Book” so as to save the scorched earth and degenerate population. His methods of delivery and his own defense for his safety are very impressive and very deadly. He is a good guy defending himself in troubled times just for the purpose of heading West and delivering the “Book.” Go see, you will be intrigued. Rated R for some brutal violence and language.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Cross Dressing, Movie Reviews

Recently someone ask me what motivated me to ride a motorcycle, bowl, and do triathlons which of course requires swimming, biking and running. My immediate reply is that I must be a cross dresser and like the atmosphere of the three disciplines of life. Actually motorcycle riders are a lot like triathletes in that they do three things very well, they drink beer, eat BBQ, and ride the Hogs or whatever brand of two wheel terror they can muster up. When you ride a motorcycle you have a chance to put on the black leather (sometimes brown, but 95% black), let the beard and hair grow a little longer, and look real tough. Maybe even getting a little dirt under the finger nails and a slight odor of sweat and exhaust fumes. When you bowl you wear clothing that makes it easy to throw the ball down the lane and knock over those stupid looking pins, so you are again doing three things. You attempt to knock the pins down, drink a beer, and eat Mexican food afterwards. Then there is the dress of the triathlon world. Since you swim you must have a tight fitting Speedo type swim suit, a form fitting tights tri-suit for the bike ride and then wear the same on the run. Now a days the Speedo is used for work outs and the tri-suit is used for all three disciplines during competition. Then of course there is the customary carbo loading meals and low calorie beer. So, as anyone can see I am in high heaven with cross dressing. Not long ago I was being interviewed by my life coach and since she didn’t really know me very well she ask some personal questions. After these questions were answered she as if I had anything else to tell her. So, I took the opportunity to advise her that along with all of my little eccentrics I was a cross dresser. Yep, you got it, extreme silence on the other end of the phone. After what seemed like 30 minutes (really only a few long seconds) I explained my position on this subject and where I really fit. After giving her the full story she seemed to sigh with relief, but on the other hand she was from California and it is full of fruits and nuts, so what is so bad about a cross dressing West Texan? Now to wrap this all up and to explain what motivated me to write about this awesome subject I just got an ad on my e-mail from Victoria Secrets, Viagra, and Boy Toys. Of course I looked through the offerings in VC, enjoyed the many joys I was told I can get as a result of using the Boy Toys, after gulping down a Viagra pill and my day was complete. Please excuse me while I venture into the 900 number world to further enjoy my new purchases.

Movie Review: “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus”, ***, the last movie that Heath Ledger made before his death. Actually he died during the making of the film and was replaced by Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell (interesting combination but effective). This is really a far out movie about a character named Dr. Parnassus played by Christopher Plummer who possesses the extraordinary gift of being able to guide the imaginations of others. The movie has a magic mirror, and a quaint devil played by Tom Waits. One final bet with the devil finds friends and foes passing through the imaginarium. Well done movie but I think you have to enjoy these mystery things before you will really enjoy it. Rated PG-13 for violent images, some sensuality, language and smoking.

“Youth In Revolt”, ***, Michael Cera stars in a romantic comedy expected to defy traditional January cinematic doldrums. It is an irreverent story about the wild adventures of teen-aged(extremely horny, and a virgin) Nick Twisp, who meets the girl of his dreams while on a family(not a typical family) vacation, and must turn everyone’s lives upside down just to be near her. He also has an imaginary alter ego that pushes him into doing the things he has really wanted to do but was too shy to do. Rated R for some mild rude humor (also some sensual sex scenes).


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Butts & Guts, New Coach

The longer I live life the more I like it and the more I am amazed about what evolves, IF we keep our awareness buds flowing. Yesterday I competed in a five mile road race at the Buddy Holly Park in Lubbock. This race is called “Loop the Lake”, which is a series of small manmade lakes created from the flow of natural springs, and rain water. The main inhabitants of these lakes are the Canadian geese that fly south every year so they can have three square meals a day during the winter, and poop all over the sidewalks and wherever they please. What made this a special run of awareness was not the 15 degree weather or the competition from the other runners but simply the fact that I run so slow now I have time to really think and create new ideas for my blog. In years past when I was zooming around the lake and being competitive, I never came up with any solid thoughts simply because I was breathing too hard and experiencing the good pain of running like hell and not having to think. But yesterday I became so bored with my speed that I started becoming aware of those that were passing me and the idea came to my mind about the physiology make up of the male/ female species and bingo I had a subject for the week. To me it is ironic that the human body was created with two obvious flaws and it takes miracles to do anything about them. These obvious flaws concern the female butt and the male gut. Over the years the female butt portion of the body has gained prominent recognition and has been described in many ways, i.e. nice butt, fat butt, big butt, tight butt, cute butt, broad butt while the male butt is usually referred to as “ass.”(Could that be where the term “he is an ass hole” came from?) Actually my nick name in college was “apple ass or apples for short.” Sometimes female athletes have what is called a “nice ass” or “tight ass” (for some reason butt is not used for female athletes) and I recall two professional triathletes that had REAL nice asses/butts, or whatever term you want to use, and then some suffered from “no ass at all,” not a real common problem amongst the general population nowadays. So as I ran around around the lake and these butts were passing me I took inventory of the nice butts, the big butts, apple butts and the tight butts. It amazed me that all categories were present and they were all passing me. Well all I have to say is no shame towards me since I was gathering pertinent information for this writing. Now to give equal time to the male gut I must admit I didn’t have any big gut guys pass me because they were either ahead of me to start with or there weren’t any in the race with big guts, so they never had to make that move. But in reality I didn’t see many big gut guys there so I would have to rely on my bowling friends for the big guts to enhance this story. Most long distance runners do not have big guts, but bowlers seem to carry that distinction with pride. So we have the beer gut, big gut, fat gut, gross gut, flat gut or maybe six pack gut, but regardless of what you call it the gut of the male sometimes becomes very obnoxious. What I have found is that with aging the gut tends to move around a little and reposition itself. Since I have always had love handles they have been part of my love/hate for that part of my body for a long time. Now I find that these two dudes have moved a little bit to the front of my gut and I really do not like that. Fact is I have never been in love with my love handles and I have never figured out how to rid myself of them. Someone once told me that they are actually muscles so I should be proud of them. While I am not convinced that they are muscles I will continue to keep working them and see what happens. In conclusion to these two deep subjects I find that the female butt can be very attractive, and aside from the upper assets, called the boobs, it is one of the most noticeable features of the female anatomy. On the same token the male gut if properly maintained and groomed can also be attractive; however, if it becomes the large, round, over the belt fat gut then it is not attractive at all. Professional triathletes very seldom have large guts; however, I have notice that the professional football players who play in the line do have guts. So let’s give credit where credit is due and say that there is room in the world for all size butts and guts, and everyone has their preferences so we can all be happy. Enjoy the view the next time you are out somewhere where these two features of the human anatomy are in blossom.

Thank God Texas Tech has hired their new coach and the rest of us can go on with our lives. After the untimely firing of the city’s favorite pirate (disguised as a $2.7 million a year football coach Mike Leach) the administration hired Coach Tommy Tuberville from Auburn, AL. This probably didn’t get him the job but his initials are TT, duh, the same as Texas Tech. His mother was probably thinking of this 55 years ago when she named him I am sure. Regardless he has great credentials and should be very good for Lubbock and Texas Tech. The other favorite on the existing staff was Coach Ruffin McNeill and an un-official poll of the players indicated that 90% wanted him as their next head coach. The final decision tells you that the administration did not make their decision based on the player’s vote which also illustrates that the inmates can’t be in charge of the prison. While no firing is pleasant the firing of Leach turned into a blood bath, and will finally be settled in court at great expenses. Everything that I have read on the subject, and information I have received from insiders, indicate Leach deserved the firing. Of course he has been guilty of insubordination since he arrived 10 years ago so I wouldn’t call this firing that sudden. The problem should have been solved when he arrived as opposed to 10 years after he had been here. Of course the diehard Leach fans have organized a Team Leach group now numbering 60,000 on Twitter and other electronic magic, etc. They wanted him re-hired (wasn’t going to happen in a heartbeat). Funny thing is there were quotes of fans from around town in various bars & grills and the interviewer said that as the day wore on the responses were less violent and mellower. Duh, you interview people who are sitting at a bar drinking and you think that their responses will not mellow a little bit. That is why they are drinking, to drown the sordid details of the day and forget about who gets the next millions to coach a football team. Hear me Raider Nation/Team Leach, everything that has been made public indicates that the mighty pirate deserved to be stripped of his sword, had his good eye poked out, sent to the end of the plank, had all of his stolen treasures taken away, then fired. Besides he was only a mediocre coach and the highest paid 8 wins a year coach that I know of. He never won a Conference division title, he never won a Conference title, he never won a National Championship, and even in his best year he didn’t win either of the above, lost the last game of the regular season and also lost the Cotton Bowl game. So let it rest and get behind the new coach. Of course fans are so fickle all the new dude has to do is put a few wins on the board and they will be saying, “Leach who?”


Saturday, January 02, 2010

Ironic Bowl, Movie Reviews

Drama, drama and more drama. Okay so the football team of the mighty Texas Tech Red Raiders, of the Big 12, and the once double mighty Michigan State Spartans of the Big 10 meet in the annual Alamo Bowl in San Antonio tonight! What is the big deal and why the drama? Well to start with the football team of the Spartans decided a few weeks ago to have a gang fight with one of the fraternities on the Michigan State campus. For some reason the administration of MSU decided this was not in the best interest of the football program and so they dismissed 14 of their players. So, that created a lot of drama for MSU and most of the pre-press was about these appalling acts and how it was going to affect the game. Needless to say the Red Raiders were licking their chops and looking forward to blowing them past River Walk, on past the Alamo and out of this historic city that prides themselves in reminding us of “remember the Alamo and we kick butt if you don’t.” Then the impossible happened and the Texas Tech Red Raiders showed the mighty Spartans that they could “one up” them on the drama scene and placed their head coach, Mike Leach, on suspension from coaching the game and then a few days later adding more salt to this oozing sore, fired him with cause. The cause being he mistreated one of their high profile prima dona players who just happened to have a prima dona father who just happens to be on ESPN as a color commentator for college football. Since all of this has been presented in the news for the past week I will not go into all of the details and I would encourage my readers to consult for all of the gory details. What I will do is offer some of my opinions on the subject, then move on to the movie reviews. My first point will be directed to those Red Raider fans who think Mike Leach is an offensive genius and the Tech program will never go on without him. Coach Leach is very much a smart, strong minded, hard headed, eccentric that did put together a productive offensive team, but never produced a conference championship, only finished in the top 10 one year, and never won a conference Championship or National Championship. While his offense was productive, to say the least, his overall team efforts(called defense, running attack, blocking, punting, kicking, reduced penalties, being disciplined or summed up with one word “balanced” just wasn’t there) which enables a team to win it “all” never materialized in his 10 years. My opinion is also motivated by the fact that he was being paid $2.7 million per year plus some nice bonus money. For that kind of money I feel we can ask for a lot or even demand it. My second point is that even though Mike Leach is the winningest coach in school history his overall record is only mediocre with an average of 8 wins per season. His best year was in 2008 and it did not produce a Championship of any kind and they even put the icing on the cake by losing in the Cotton Bowl. Their last game of the regular season, they still had the chance of winning the Big 12 but showed up in presence only and looked like a Pop Warner team that was just issued their uniforms the day before the game. They played so bad they created another definition of “stink.” My other point on this “mediocrity” thing is that the diehard fans have accepted this and make excuses for why their record is not better, i.e. if they had only scored more points again Houston they would have won 9 games, and these kind of stupid statements. Of course if they had scored more points than all of their opponents in 2009 they would be undefeated right now. Of course they wouldn’t have their coach because his firing had nothing to do with on the field performance or results. My third point is that Leach was a guy that demanded that his players have unquestioned discipline but he was not a good example of this attribute himself. Now, here are some things the fans are going to miss about him. He did put a very exciting productive offensive football team on the field of play. He was a very eccentric coach (he did not play in college, one in only a handful of coaches that didn’t; he was actually a rugby player). His program did have a very high graduation rate and that is a very good thing. He guaranteed the fans that he could produce 8 wins per year season, and a bowl bid out of 35 bowl games(wow wee what a feat!) While his heroes are pirates that will now become a dead issue in Lubbock and the retail stores will probably get stuck with some flags, boots, and pirate attire we normally didn’t have around until Leach brought his pirate ship to town via Buffalo Springs Lake. We will also miss his dull, dry interviews and his ability to say something that really didn’t make much sense, i.e. “the players feel like they are heroes because their fat little girlfriends tell them they are.” While this got a lot of press I really didn’t get it. First of all the football players don’t generally have fat little girl friends, and second of all this was a very offensive statement to “the fat little girlfriends of the basketball team, or maybe the track team, but not the almighty football players.” Now that I have vented my opinions I will say that Coach Leach was invited to ride his new Cannondale bike out in the canyons with a few of our triathlete friends; however, he never made it. Guess he couldn’t read the map!! His loss!!! Regardless, Texas Tech football will continue to play the game, and coach Leach will continue to coach football somewhere in the universe. He will sue the university big time; get a larger settlement than his salary since it appears that the administration made some bad legal moves in their suspension and firing play calling. Imagine Tech has a law school, a Chancellor that was a very successful practicing lawyer and a full team of lawyers employed by Tech, and they make what appears to be some major blunders!!! Oh well it is not the end of the world folks, it is just “As the Football Turns” in the Hub City of the South Plains of Texas.

Movie Reviews: “Nine,” ****, this is probably a five star movie but I don’t really know how to rate musicals, but this is good one. It got my attention because of Daniel Day Lewis, plus I went to the Michael Jackson thing and had a better appreciation for music. The movie centers on film director Guido Contini (played by Daniel Day-Lewis-one of the great film actors of the day in my opinion) as he reaches a personal crisis of epic proportions. He must balance his numerous women in his life, including his wife(Marion Cotillard), his mistress(Penelope Cruz), his film star muse (Nicole Kidman), his confidant and costume designer(Judi Dench), an American fashion journalist(Kate Hudson) the whore from his youth(Fergie) and of course his mother (Sophia Loren). What a mouthful that can only equal a lot of tension, no wonder the guy was having trouble balancing his life. This film will be nominated for an Oscar for sure. Rated R for sexual content and smoking.

“It’s Complicated,” ****, an entertaining movie about love and divorce, co-starring Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. Jane (played by Streep) is the mother of three grown children, and finds herself drifting into a sexual affair with her ex-husband, remarried Jake (Baldwin) after a decade of divorce. Caught in the middle is a likeable divorced architect played by Martin, who has fallen for Jane, but discovers he’s become a part of a love triangle. Some very humorous scenes and fun to watch. Rated R for some drug content and sexuality.

“Avatar,” *****, this is a five star rated movie with lots of special effects. Obviously it is a sci-fi movie set on a moon called Pandora. This moon has a mineral that is essential for the survival of earth, so the military earthlings and some insensitive scientists are there to harvest this stuff regardless of the local 10 foot tall, blue humanoids call the Navi. Of course the battle begins between the intruders and the locals who are the nice good guys and gals. While we have the overbearing earth intruder military types (throw in a marine or two), the one military hero who is trying to earn his legs back (literally) and the scientists. Of course there is a love story, and a real villain. Go see, but be prepared for a long one, 2 hrs and 40 minutes. Also, it is offered in 2D and 3D (I would recommend this even though it is $3.00 higher). The only real recognizable actress is Sigourney Weaver, not a stranger to sci-fi and tough battles with the villains. Rated PG-13 for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking.