Ole Barn!, Movie Review

Barney Fife use to be a household word when the Andy Griffith show centered in Mayberry USA, was a popular TV show. The part was played by bug eyed, naturally nervous Don Knotts and he played it well. His part was that of the Deputy Dog to the Sheriff, Andy Griffith, and he was best known for jumping to conclusions, carrying 2 bullets in his right breast pocket, and making a minor offense become a major felony. Now that I live in a Mayberry type community(population 1096) I had the experience of meeting our Mr. Barney the other night. A few years ago I heard that there had not be a traffic violation citation issued in Ransom Canyon in over 25 years, so things seemed to be very low key for the past 11 years we have lived in the Canyons. Then wouldn’t you know it, I was coming home at around 7:30 p.m. and drove in at the back side entrance minding my own business, while whistling “Hail to the Chief!” Noticing there was no traffic of any kind, so I reduced my speed and started the descent and all of sudden swirling lights came on, sirens started blaring, and the two breast pocket bullets were being loading. This patrol car came roaring out of its’ hidden position and I was being chased by the only police car within 15 miles. Yes folks, I was going 48 MPH in a 35 MPH speed zone and now local BF was after me. While I admit that I didn’t give him any resistence and pulled over very obediently, pulling out my license and insurance cards waiting for him to approach my drivers side. While it seemed like fowever for him to approach me since he was moving in a very stealth movement, I wondered if I was going to receive the two bullets in a way I wasn’t deserving of or expected them. This guy was dead serious and I knew I had a ticket for sure and no forgiveness with a warning ticket. Kind of reminded me of the movie J. Edgar Hoover.

After he took my creditials back to his car(with swirling emergency lights going at full speed) I waited again. Finally he comes back with my ticket and then asks, “can I get your phone number?” I said yes and gave it to him. Then he ask me a question that I have never been ask while receiving a traffic violation(been driving and getting tickets since I was 12, so 61 years), he ask if I would give him my social security number! I immediately said no I would not and he just kind of wilted, like a flower that had been in a vase way too long. At that point he ask me to sign the ticket(you know where it says you are not admitting to guilt, but you really are!) and I did sign it with haste and looked forward to making some space between me and the new Barney of the canyons. During my experience I noticed he had a bullet proof vest, full string of bullets in his belt not counting the two in his breast pocket, billy club, badge, and membership in the local health club. He also said, “have a nice day and it was now 7:45 p.m. and again no traffic of any kind.” I suggested that he now go to E. Lakeshore Dr. where my home is located and he could be busy all night enforcing the speed limit law. He declined my suggestion and moved back into the recessed area of the ditch, waiting for his next law breaker. Okay Barn(as Andy use to say), that is enough for tonight, go drink a soda!!

Movie Review:

“Contraband”, ***, This is a movie custom made for actor Mark Wahlberg, since he is at home with crime thrillers. Set in New Orleans, the film explores an underground world of international smuggling, filled with desperate men, corrupt officials and big payoffs--where loyalty is a rare prize and death is one bad decision away. Chis(played by Wahlberg) abandoned smuggling and went straight for his family but is forced to do one more job to help a useless brother-in-law who dumped his contraband. A predictable ending but still worth seeing. Would go at matinee pricing if possible. Rated R for violence, pervasive language and brief drug use.

EA(not for U), SH......:),

greerman

Movie Stuff, Reviews

Well I just noticed in the paper this morning it is movie Oscar time coming up real quick. So, I went through the nominated movies, actors, etc., to see what I have seen and what I have missed. Turns out some of the movies that are nominated are still showing in Lubbock, so I will get out to see them. One of my favorites and I, like many others, assumed it would be a shoo in to be nominated is J. Edgar, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It is a true story about the establishment of the Federal Bureau of Investigation by J. Edgar Hoover. A very well done movie and great acting. But, I guess they just didn’t kiss enough butts or pass out enough cigars to get it on the nominating list. But I have seen “War Horse” and it will be reviewed below, and is a nominated movie. For those of your who do not go to movies and do not read my reviews, please bear with me. It is just something I like to do and then compare my reviews with the local critic:

“Joyful Noise”, ***, This is a feel good movie with Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton playing key rolls as the leaders of the small town Georgia choir of the Divinity Church. After losing the long time choir director they are driven to win the annual contest in LA called the National Joyful Noise Competition. Lots of good music and action. Rated PG-13 for some language including a sexual reference. Go for matinee pricing!

“War Horse”, *****, This is a great movie and the local critic and I agree 100% on this movie. It is a story, directed by Steven Spielberg, about the birth of a thoroughbred horse that is asked to do many things other than be a thoroughbred. It is during the time of World War I and the overall cinematography is beyond spectacular. The story is about a young Englishman and the horse he named Joey, starting with his training of the horse since birth, the selling of the horse to the British army, war action by both horse and man, to the ultimate re-uniting of both. Great photography, great story, and great ending. Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of war violence.

EA(go see), SH.......:)

greerman

The Return of Slavery, Legally

When in doubt, “google it!”, that has become my standard operating procedure and it seems to be working well when I need to get some background on any subject. For example I have this strong feeling that slavery is coming back to the USA only it is being disguised under the name of the National Football League(NFL). So, I googled “when did slavery begin in the USA?” I found that the year was 1619 when 20 slaves were brought over from Africa to Virginia. You will notice that was way before the USA was organized as a country in 1776, and then you will find that it was legally abolished in 1865 with the 13th Amendment. Also, the early slave traders were actually black themselves, so go firgure on that one. Now back to my NFL point. In the past most slave owners in the USA were all rich white people and many of the designers of the constitution were white political leaders of the new country, i.e. Thomas Jefferson owned many slaves and even sired 6 off spring with one of them. Incidently Mr. Google also told me that many white owners of slaves sired many children through the dark years of slavery. Now as I watch the NFL games on TV I notice where most of the players on the field are black, some of the coaches are black, many of the sideline helpers are black, but as the cameras gaze upwards towards the rich owners box, behind bullet proof glass ,I find that the owners are white. Now, my point is begining to surface before your very eyes. In a matter of 10 years, possibly, all of the players, coaches, field workers, trainers, etc., will all be black but when you gaze upward to the now double bullet proof glass you will still see the billionaire WHITE owners of the teams. So, that is my way of saying slavery will come back through the NFL example and while the black athletes, coaches and workers will be paid much more than the original slaves they will still be held hostage by the billionaire owners. Is this possible water cooler discussion for the office group, or just google mumbo jumbo? Then we can carry this discussion even further in total opposition to this theory by the fact Tebowmania took the NFL by storm this year, and he just happens to be a very gifted athlete and man of caucasian birth.

EA, SH,......:),

greerman

Unlimited Opportunities

Dear Abby is now Annie’s Mailbox, so here is one of their letters(paraphrased) that I just couldn’t pass up for “believe it or not” real happening. This guy writes in that he is 60 years old and has this relationship with a beautiful “young” 63 year old. They couldn’t be happier!! But, one day an ex-girlfriend of his drops by to repay an old money debt to him. She also just happens to bring some beer and they chatted. He had also taken some sleep aide pills before she arrived so the beer and pills put him to sleep. Now the story gets real sordid in that he wakes up while he is having sex with his ex-girlfriend. He then gets his senses back, he says, and asks her to leave. He put off telling his current girlfriend about this little incident until he discovered he had contracted gonorrhea. He discribed it as, “so disgusting!” He said he had to tell his girl friend and now she will not have anything to do with him. Duh!! Annie’s Mailbox reply: There is some evidence that certain sleep aids can cause such “sleep-wallking” problems when the opportunities present themselves. You apparently didn’t make a conscious decision to cheat on your girfriend, and your job now is to convince her of that. This will involve flowers and apologies along with declarations of undying love and devotion. Greerman response, “yea and the Pope two steps every Friday night at the local bar!” Also, the moral to the story is never combine old girl friends, beer, and unlimited opportunities.

EA, SH, ........:)

greerman

Nepotism, Wish List, Movie Review

Nepotism is defined as....”favoritism to a relative.” As I watch the National Football League hire and fire coaches I think of the nepotism definition, since it runs rampant in that organization. Once you are in that league or happen to be born into that league by being the son or daughter(mostly sons) of someone already in the league you are set for life, if you want it. Funny thing is you don’t even have to win anything to become a head coach, the main entre is kinship or friendship. Two good examples are Norv Turner and Wade Phillips. Coach Turner has been a head coach of at least 3 teams and has never won a championship of any kind, while he has advanced to the playoffs a few times he has never won the big ones. But, when he is fired from the Chargers this year he will bounce back as a head coach in the NFL or at least an offensive coordinator which pays well into the six figures or more. His tenures are as a result of friendship rather than kinship. Jason Garrett, another friendshiper was the assistant head coach of the Dallas Cowboys for $3M, before being named as the head coach. In the case of Wade Phillips, he is the son of Bum Phillips, long time coach in the NFL and head coach of the original Houston Oilers. While he was colorful, the cowboy hat he wore on the sidelines was his trade mark, but he never won the big ones. Wade then became a head coach at Buffalo and Dallas only to never win the big one. But never fear he has a good job with the Houston Texans as the defensive coordinator and will become a head coach again, mark my word. While friendship can get you there, for sure kinship will get you. Bottom line here it is very critical to be born into the right family, kind of like royalty, or have the right friends to get into and survive in the NFL. Please understand I have nothing against the people mentioned in this writing I guess I am just envious my ole daddy wasn’t a head coach or owner of one of the teams so I could have a lifetime job just because of my kinship!! Besides what am I complaining about, on our non-profit board my wife and two daughters serve on the board of directors. Shuuut up!!

Wish List: While shopping around in Barnes and Noble I ran across this book called, “The Wish List.” It actually had 6,000 wishes in it, so after looking at some of them like...”I wish..: to play the church organ, to meet a while rabbit and a Cheshire cat, learn the art of animation, have a knack for languages, etc., etc.! So, I just had to come up with some of my own wishes: I wish......the merging of traffic into Movies 16 was much safer, last night I was nearly creamed,.... that when I go up to a building of any kind and they have two doors, both will be unlocked,....if they are not and only one is unlocked that i chose that one,......that I hit all green lights on 34st in Lubbock,.....that I don’t have to pee real bad when I get stuck at a red light that must be red for many minutes,.....when I go to the pool all lanes or not taken, or when I have a lane by myself no one wants to share it with me, after all I do not play well with others, especially if they are pounding my head in the pool,....when I am riding the bike all dogs do not chase me or if they do my eyes will cast a laser to their brain and they will die on the spot,.....when I walk up to pay for something at a convenience store the register I walk up to is the one they are using, ....at the same store the person behind the counter says, “thank you!”.....I never have to go into a government office close to 5:00 p.m. so I won’t get trampled when the employees leave!,....that I would quit getting penis enlargement literature,....that my age would not be the topic of conversation in any social situation!!

Movie Review: “Young Adult”, ***, This movie was basically very depressing, but with very good acting. Charlize Theron plays(Mavis) the out of this world good looking graduate of small town high school in Minnesota and very successful ghost author, who decides to come back for a visit to re-unite with her ex-boyfriend(Patrick Wilson) of many years who is now happily married with a new baby daughter. The story evolves(while she is planning and stalking her prey) with her friendship and bonding with fellow classmate played by Patton Oswalt, a never popular nerd and victim of a high school hate crime. Bottom line is that Mavis has bad cases of alcoholism and depression. The theme of this movie is sick, but the script is good and the acting is excellent. Go with the thought that you may be a little depressed after you leave it. So, by reading my review I can save you some money!! Rated R for language and some sexual content(under statement)!

EA(don’t go to this one), SH(I know you won’t!)........;),

greerman

Movie Reviews

Movie Reviews:

“New Year’s Eve”, ***, This is movie has the big names in it, Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer for example, and turned out better than I thought it was going to be. It tells intertwining stories of individual New Yorkers as they travel through New Year’s eve.(You ever wonder why they don’t do a movie like this in Lubbock, Texas? It is always New York!!) Hilary Swank depicts a producer of the Times-Square New Year’s Eve show and Aston Kutcher plays someone who is impatient with the celebration of New Year’s eve. Rated: PG-13 for language that includes sexual references.

“Sherlock Homes: Games of Shadows”, ***, Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and Jared Harris. Holmes is challenged by criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty and they go at each other throughout the movie. The crime is murder and the objective is to prove that the mastermind was behind it. Coupled with the help from Dr. Watson(Law) and even after taking the time to celebrate the bacholor party for Watson, Holmes solves the crime again. There was too much gadgetry for me, seem like there was something unlocking something else that was attached to something else to the point I became dizzy. But an entertaining movie, but not above three stars. Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and some drug material.

“The Sitter”, ***, Not exactly family entertainment but somewhat entertaining, and funny. The plot, basically finds a suspended college student and the world’s most irresponsible baby sitter, played by Jonah Hill, deciding to take the next door neighbor’s, three ill mannered children, on an overnight adventure in New York City. Need I say more? Go see the movie for details. Rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, drug material and some violence.

“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1”, ***, For those folks out there liking the vampire craze right now, this is a natural. Since I went out of desperation for a current movie and I don’t like vampire movies, I will admit that giving a three star was a stretch. But if you like this stuff you will really enjoy finding out what happens when a mortal marries a vampire. Enough said!! Rated PG-13 for disturbing images, violence, sexuality, partial nudity and some thematic elements.

“Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”, ****, Interesting plot with the Mission Impossible team being shut down for unknown reasons. The team then must go undercover to clear their organizations name and insure survival of team members. Tom Cruise again heads up the team and there are some awesome action shots and special effects. Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence.

EA, .........:),

greerman

Notable Quotes

The following quotes seem to be notable:

Dolly Parton was ask if she had ever had any plastic surgery--Her reply, “I joke that if I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I’ll have it nipped and tucked.”

George Carlin--”A cheetah is actually slower than an armadillo. It only appears to be faster, because the armadillo moves so slowly.”

Mike Greer--” Aging is no mystery, it means you are getting older.”

George Carlin--”Live every day as if it’s your last and eventually it will be. Then you’ll be fully prepared.”

Random thoughts: “I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.” “How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?” “Bad decisions make great stories.” “There is a great need for a sarcasm font.” “I take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.” “Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.”

Mike Greer--When ask how it feels to be 73 years old. “Look at this way by observing everything around you right now and I bet you do not see anything that old, i.e. refrigerator, automobile, washing machine, computer, clothing, etc., So, I am sitting here with all major body parts at 73 years of age with lots of mileage and you ask how it feels!!” Next question?

Yogi Berra--”No body goes there anymore, It’s too crowded.” “The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.” “We have deep depth.” “When you arrive at the fork in the road, take it.” “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’s not hungry enough to eat six.” “You wouldn’t have won if we had beaten you.” “Half the lies they tell about me are not true.”

Random: “The hen is the only thing that can lay around and produce.”

Socrates: “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Groucho Marx: “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

Will Rogers: “We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”

Mike Greer--When people ask me what pace I am going to run in a race, I casually say, “start out slow and taper off.”

New Year, new quotes are being designed now, as I type.”

EA, SH, ........:),

greerman